Bleached Potter and the Sorcerer's Sword
by elle127
Summary: Kisuke Urahara hands Ichigo Kurosaki over to the vizards to grow up unaware of his powers as a soul reaper. Some years later he is accepted into a school that will train him as he really is. Parody of "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone"
1. Chapter 1: Good Luck Ichigo Kurosaki

**Bleached Potter and the Sorcerer's Sword**

**Elle:** _July 15__th__ marks and exciting day in the world of both Harry Potter and Bleach so I decided to combine these two brilliant ideas in a Harry Potter Movie Parody. _

_I own nothing, not Bleach nor Harry Potter_

* * *

The street was illuminated by a dozen or so streetlamps. It was completely empty until a man appeared on them. He was wearing a black kimono and a white haori and he pulled a strange looking device from his obi. He clicked it and the first street lamp went out. He clicked it again and the next went out. He did so ten more times until the street was completely dark. A cat mewed somewhere and the man looked down at a black cat sitting next to a house. The man smiled at the cat.

"I should have known you would have been here," the man said with a sly smile. The cat was no longer sitting by the house and instead a dark skinned woman in black leggings and an orange sweater took its place. "Yoruichi"

"Good evening Mr. Urahara," Yoruichi said briskly. She turned and faced the man standing next to her. "Are the rumors true, Kisuke?"

"I'm afraid so Yoruichi," Urahara said sadly shaking his head. "The good and the bad"

"And the boy?" Yoruichi asked wanted to get down to the precise matter that pertained to why she and Urahara were having a meeting in a dark and deserted street.

"Tessai is bringing him," Urahara said as they started walking up the dark street. Yoruichi stopped. She had her doubts about the man who was supposed to be bringing the boy.

"Do you think it wise to trust Tessai with something as important as this?" she asked incredulously. Urahara nodded.

"Yes Yoruichi," Urahara said. "I would trust Tessai with my life."

As Urahara spoke a light blared above them and Urahara and Yoruichi turned to look at it. The light was a headlight belonging to an enormous motorbike. Astride it was an enormous man wearing glasses and cornrows. He landed the bike using the street as a runway and then maneuvered to he was next to Urahara and Yoruichi.

"Mr. Urahara, Ms. Yoruichi," said Tessai.

"No problems I trust Tessai?" Urahara said as Tessai undid the straps holding a pouch to his side.

"None sir," Tessai said. He reached into the pouch and pulled out a bundle of blankets, handing them to Urahara. "Little tyke fell asleep just as we were flying over Osaka. Try not to wake him"

"Kisuke," Yoruichi said as Urahara took the bundle and began walking to the doorstep. "Do you really think it's safe leaving him with these people? I've watched them all day; they're the worst sort of Vizards imaginable. They really are"

"They're the only family he has," Urahara said walking up a driveway to the house Yoruichi had been sitting by earlier.

"This boy will be famous; there won't be a child in our world who doesn't know his name."

"Exactly," said Urahara. "He's far better off growing up away from all of that until he is ready."

He put the bundle, containing a baby boy with vivid orange hair and a lightning bolt scar on the doorstep of the house. Tessai began to tear up wiping them away but not before a sob escaped him.

"There, there, Tessai," said Urahara. "It's not really goodbye after all"

Yoruichi was tearing up as well. Urahara reached into his pocket and pulled out a letter addressed to the house's occupants and placed it upon the bundle. He stepped back to admire the baby before him unaware that he was commending the child to its doom.

"Good luck," Urahara said. "Ichigo Kurosaki"

* * *

**Elle:** _review please and let me know if I should keep going with this._


	2. Chapter 2: I Can Talk To Snakes

**Elle:** _what's scary about this chapter is that I didn't have the movie playing or the screenplay when I wrote it, it was all from memory_

* * *

Chapter One

"Up," Hiyori Sarugaki rapped on the door to the cupboard under the stairs. "Get up, now" and she slammed her hand on it before storming off.

Inside Ichigo Kurosaki, now 15 rolled over in his tiny bed. The cupboard was just big enough for him. There was slamming above his head. No doubt his cousin Jinta was running down the stairs. At some point the slamming stops and then started again but this time in one spot as if Jinta was jumping on the stairs causing the dust to fall into Ichigo's face.

"Wake up berry head," Jinta screamed "We're going to the zoo"

As Ichigo was trying to come out of the cupboard Jinta pushed him back in slamming the door in his face before scurrying off into the kitchen where Hiyori was cooking bacon.

"Here he is the birthday boy," Hiyori said proudly as Jinta ran into the room.

"Happy Birthday son," Shinji Hirako said from over his newspaper. Hiyori hugged Jinta tightly before turning to Ichigo.

"Why don't you just cook the breakfast and try not to burn anything," she snapped at Ichigo.

"Yes Aunt Hiyori" Ichigo said

"I want every second to be perfect for my Jinta's special day." She added covering Jinta's eyes and bringing him over to the table which was covered in presents.

"Hurry up," Shinji snapped as Ichigo tried to plate the bacon. "And bring my coffee boy"

"Yes uncle Shinji," Ichigo said taking the coffee pot over to the table. Jinta was staring at the table which was hardly visible under the packages.

"How many are there?" Jinta asked.

"Thirty-six," Shinji said proudly. "Counted them myself"

"Thirty six?" Jinta screamed. "THIRTY SIX BUT LAST YEAR LAST YEAR I HAD THIRTY SEVEN!"

"Some of them are quite a bit bigger than last year," Shinji said reasonably trying to quell the eleven year olds tantrum.

"I don't care how big they are!" Jinta screamed.

"This is what we do," Hiyori said coming to Shinji's rescue. "When we go out we're going to by you two new presents. How's that popkin?"

~*~*~*

As the family was heading out to Shinji's Mercedes-Benz, Shinji pulled Ichigo aside as Hiyori and Jinta got in the car.

"I'm warning you now boy," he said sternly. "Any funny business, any at all and you won't have any meals for a week. Get it."

And they drove off to the zoo. When they got there Jinta dragged Hiyori and Shinji into the reptile house to stare at the python, thick as a human's thigh sleeping peacefully in its container.

"Make him move!" Jinta ordered Shinji. Shinji rapped on the glass.

"Move," he snapped at it. Jinta slammed on the glass.

"Move," he barked. Ichigo stared at the snake feeling sympathetic for it.

"He's asleep," Ichigo informed his uncle and cousin. They left to see the other inhabitants of the reptile house leaving Ichigo alone to stare at the snake. "Sorry about them, they don't understand what it's like. Laying here day after day watching people press their ugly faces in at you."

The snake raised its head off its body and looked Ichigo in the eyes. Ichigo swore he saw the snake wink at him.

"Can you understand me? You're from Brazil right? Was it nice there? Do you miss your family?" The snake pointed its tail at a sign next to its container. The sign said that the snake was bred in the zoo.

"I see," said Ichigo understandingly. "That's me as well, I never knew my parents either."

"Mum, dad, come here you won't believe what this snake is doing!" Jinta yelled running over to the snake. In his rush to see what it was doing as Ichigo was talking to it he shoved Ichigo out of the way and he fell to the ground. Ichigo glared at his cousin's back. Jinta pressed his nose against the glass and the next second the glass was gone and he fell through. The snake slithered out of his container and onto the floor.

"Thanks," it hissed at Ichigo.

"Any time," Ichigo said slightly confused as the snake slithered away. Jinta stood up in the snake container and tried to get out but the glass had reappeared trapping him inside. He screamed causing Hiyori and Shinji to run over. Hiyori started screaming and Ichigo laughed at the rather amusing sight until Shinji cast him a look that clearly said shut up.

~*~*~*~

Hiyori lead Jinta, wrapped in several blankets back into the house as Shinji dragged Ichigo inside by the ear.

"I'm telling you," Ichigo said for what felt like the hundredth time. "One minute the glass was there and then it was gone it was like magic."

Shinji and thrown Ichigo into his cupboard and slammed the door in his face.

"There's no such thing as magic!"


End file.
